The homeless epidemic in Los Angeles is hard to ignore. I’ve been volunteering at soup kitchens since I lived in New York City. I even taught cooking classes at shelters, and I try to make time to do the same here in LA. While the other volunteers network with each other, I always make it a point to talk to the clients at the shelters. There was an overarching theme I kept hearing. Now, I know this perspective is just one of many, but I noticed a correlation between who you surround yourself with and how your foundation can make or break your success.

How many times have you heard people say someone had so much potential, that they were the most naturally gifted, the most creative, but they threw it all away, and now they’re homeless or on drugs? I used to hear that a lot about my father. I was told he was the most naturally gifted out of all his siblings, and one of the most popular. Both men and women loved having him around because he was the life of the party. He was charismatic and spoke several languages fluently. But they said he was more caught up in partying, womanizing, and drinking than in prioritizing his career. All his brothers (my uncles) were more academically focused and did really well in that arena. My dad, on the other hand, wasn’t the biggest school person, which I get. But I have to wonder: did anyone in the family ever ask to work with him? No. I’m sure there was some quiet competition among the siblings. But my dad wasn’t a bad person. He just wasn’t guided. Now, as an adult, I see how I was blessed with a lot of his gifts, and how a lack of support from family and others can allow you to fall by the wayside.

My mother never paid for me to be a part of any extracurricular activity, despite it being apparent that I was naturally gifted creatively. Once I had a glimpse of independence in high school, I signed up for every extracurricular activity I could find, both in school and out of it, and I always did exceptionally well. Meanwhile, in school, I was learning to lean into my logical side through business. The older I got, the more I’ve realized that I need more creativity in my life, and that a lot of these jobs are more draining than rejuvenating. So I started to ask myself: what if I’d had the support to be more creative, and had taken a leap of faith to focus on it instead? Would I be as drained as I am now, as an adult who constantly has to operate in masculine energy just to survive?

The more I’ve experienced life, though, and the more I’ve listened to other people’s experiences, the more I’ve had to ask: what if my dad wanted to do more? Whether it was his own business, or something creative, what if the people who enjoyed his company didn’t actually want to support him? Maybe even his own siblings didn’t want to support him professionally, since he wasn’t as academically focused as they were. I don’t want to say jealousy, but I started wondering whether familiarity can become its own blind spot. Sometimes the people closest to us see us so often that they stop seeing us at all. Other times, they benefit from who we are without ever encouraging us to become more. Whether that’s insecurity, fear, competition, or simply a lack of awareness, the result can be the same: talent goes unsupported.

Eva Longoria has talked in interviews about growing up feeling like the “ugly duckling” of her family, the only sibling with black hair, dark eyes, and darker skin. Her Mexican family nicknamed her “la prieta fea,” which translates to “the ugly dark one,” because her mother and sisters constantly told her she was the odd one out. But when you look at the whole family, it’s clear she was always beautiful. Now she’s known for her beauty, her intelligence, and her creativity.

It’s the same story with Britney Spears. She’ll always be the pop princess, but it’s telling to see how her own family has tried to downplay her contribution while also riding the success she built, and, at times, making her feel small in the process. In a recent interview, her sister Jamie Lynn Spears talked about growing up singing and acting as if it were simply “a family affair.” It absolutely was not. No one would have known who Jamie Lynn was if it weren’t for Britney. And Britney never really had the emotional support she needed. If she had, I don’t think she’d be in the situation she’s in today. Her family built their own success around hers, and I imagine her childhood wounds played a major role in the decisions that led her to this predicament as she grew up.

But look at Kim Kardashian and Beyoncé Knowles, and it’s the complete opposite. They had a strong family foundation that supported them all the way to their success. You might not agree with the direction Kim K started her career, but her mother supported her, and that success eventually became success for the whole family. It’s the same with Beyoncé: her mom and dad believed in her, and throughout all the trials and tribulations, they still supported her, which helped lead to her success. Ariana Grande’s mother and father supported her too. I could give many more examples of how some of the biggest stars had a strong support system behind them. But that same lack of familial support can also be someone’s biggest downfall.

What kept surfacing for me was that creativity isn’t just a skill. It’s something that requires an environment where it can be nurtured. The more I reflected on the people I’d met, the stories I’d heard, and the patterns I kept seeing, the more I started thinking about creativity from a spiritual perspective.

Here’s the Third Eye View perspective. Whether you call it God, Source, intuition, or simply human imagination, creativity feels like something we receive before we shape it. It’s tied to your feminine energy, and I mean that in terms of energy, not gender. This applies to all of humanity, not just to one sex. We live in a society where feminine energy gets correlated with gender, when really it’s tied to the energetic balance within a person. Your logical side, on the other hand, is tied to your masculine energy. Some people are naturally more creative, and some are naturally more logical. But being around someone whose energy differs from your own, someone more logical if you lean creative, or more creative if you lean logical, brings a balance that helps make you whole.That’s why creative people need logical people to help ground them, while logical people need creative people around them to help them tap into inspiration. When you’re leaning heavily into your creative, feminine energy, it takes logical, healthy masculine energy to bring balance. Of course, some people already carry a balance of both.

When you’re a creative person with a lot of gifts, you’re leaning more into your feminine energy, so you need support. You need to be able to receive, and to be emotionally receptive. But we live in a world where society shames anything tied to receiving. That’s where a lot of toxic masculinity comes in (I’m surprised I haven’t written about this topic yet): people withhold support as a way to control you, to hold authority over you. Toxic masculinity shows up when someone isn’t secure within themselves, and instead of helping you grow, they’d rather see you fail so you stay beneath them. Imagine being creatively talented, and instead of your family supporting you, they’d rather see you fail, or they prioritize strangers with half your talent, because they know that person won’t surpass them, or because they’d rather use you and then become you.

Back at the homeless shelter, some of the clients had stories of falling on rough times without any support behind them. Some were artists, and talking to them, you could tell they’d needed more guidance along the way. But they came from broken homes, or from families who were broken themselves, or they ended up with someone who didn’t want the best for them either, echoing their own upbringing. Sometimes you attract what you know, not always what you deserve.

Looking back, I don’t think success is simply about talent. I’ve met too many brilliant people for that to be true. Talent opens the door, but your familial foundation often determines whether you ever feel safe enough to walk through it.

Maybe that’s why I’ve become so intentional about the relationships I keep, whether they’re relatives or not. I’m looking for people who are willing to help cultivate my gifts, just as I want to cultivate theirs. Sometimes your relatives are there to lay the foundation for you to find your true family: your Soul Tribe.

Because potential isn’t wasted overnight. More often, it slowly disappears in environments where it was never nurtured or acknowledged to begin with. Sometimes your true family isn’t the people who share your blood. It’s the people who help you become who you already are.

I always thought, like nature, if a man is a leader of the pack, he is the top dog when it comes to men. He is in charge, and no man can tell him what to do. Women should be more collaborative and come together since, technically, we should be in our yin energy of giving and receiving amongst each other. But everything is so inverted now that men care t…

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This particular situation has been a thorn in my side. It annoys the fuck out of me. I hate this so much and I deal with it all the time, whether it’s through friends, family, lovers, or associates. It’s a constant theme in my life. I am noticing it’s becoming a bigger problem, especially with social media and the lack of originality and people’s lack of direction. It’s copycats and energy thieves.

We are now living in a world where unoriginality is praised and authenticity is shamed. The performative persona and taking without asking is not inherently masculine or feminine energy. It is actually a distortion of both. It is forced Yin. They are extracting from your Yang energy, your power, your creativity, your leadership, without an exchange. And because they cannot ask openly, ego will not allow it, they do it covertly, which ties directly back to toxic femininity. Passive, deceptive, operating in the shadows while presenting as “nice” or “fun” to the public.

In its healthy expression, Yang energy provides and gives from a place of power and abundance. So someone taking without asking is not operating from true Yang. They are operating from a wounded and distorted version of it, taking because they lack the courage or integrity to ask or earn.

In its healthy expression, Yin energy receives with gratitude and appreciation. So someone who takes without asking is also distorting Yin because they are forcing the receiving dynamic without the energetic exchange that makes it balanced. They want the benefits of Yin, receiving, without the vulnerability of asking, which requires humility. And they want to bypass the Yang requirement of earning or giving first. This is less about masculinity or femininity and more about someone who is energetically imbalanced, unwilling to be vulnerable enough to ask and unwilling to do the work to earn.

Throughout my life, I had to humble myself and ask for assistance, and I probably received help 35-40 % of the time without stipulations. I had to figure it out and handle it myself. People left me hanging the most when I needed support, despite knowing I was going through a rough patch. I learned to never be scared to ask for help because it allows me to see who is there for me and who is not. If someone offers to help and then takes it back or half asses it, it proves to me that they don’t want to help. Decades ago I didn’t mind helping everyone. However, when I decided to do my own thing, all the relationships, whether family or friends, fell off or decided to copy me or work against me, instead of with me. Weirdos.

At the time I wasn’t sure why people wouldn’t want to work with me and would instead work against me. I guess to prove a point to themselves. I had people act like they wanted to collaborate, learn the way I worked, and then leave me hanging, claiming to be busy. Even if I paid them for services, they still provided half ass quality work. Or they would offer to help and drag their feet. This happened with the Substack, which led me to build my own website and design this Substack myself. When you have a strong sense of discernment, it’s obvious when someone is lying or bullshittin’ you. But I learned to not offer and instead allow them to come to me when they’re ready.

I had a frenemy who was once a best friend, but now carries my old personality as her current persona. She still has a bit of a high school mentality, doing things I did when I was in my early 20s. I guess she is making up for what she lacked back then. No personal development whatsoever, because she is right where I left her. I guess she didn't have me to copy and emulate anymore.

People will go above and beyond for a person who feels entitled to their energy, and not for a person who genuinely supported them in their time of need. Because they don’t have the capacity to be vulnerable enough to ask for support. They want to be like you, but if you wanted to be like me, you would ask me for help the same way I would have asked anyone else.

It gets weird, because the people who need the help end up resenting you because they didn’t have the humility to ask for it. CLOSED MOUTHS DON’T GET FED. If you don’t have the courage to ask someone for assistance, how are you going to know who is there for you or not? That is the true test of any relationship. It’s easy for people to support you when you’re on top, but not when you’re at your lowest. They’re not your friends. They want to manipulate. No matter your gender, when you need to be in your Yin, that is the real test. When you need to receive, when you need someone to talk to and have your back.

Everyone wants to help you when they think you are winning, because they want to associate themselves with success. However, some people resent that you are successful and get proximity to you without really caring about you. They talk about you when you are down and out because they know they cannot compare when you are on top. They portray themselves as superior to others, but in actuality, the universe allowed you to go through this so you can have better clarity on who you need to surround yourself with. And when you bounce back, all those people either have to pay to be in your space or they are simply not your equal. Balance that energy.

For those who are leaders going through a moment of low, it is ok. It is part of the journey of any true leadership who are in their authenticity. Sometimes the universe removes all the flashy items and kiss ass people, so you can see clearly. Then it gives it all back once you climb out of the darkness BY YOURSELF, or with your REAL FRIENDS, so you know what is best for you and how to move.

Don’t you see a pattern of people who helped so many people, and then when someone gangs up on them, they all of a sudden come together to go against you? If anyone has to recruit or tag team with others to talk about you or exclude you, YOU WON.They're pussies, shall I say dicks. Pussy is tough, it gives life. Dick can't handle anything. lol

Tik-Tok - Shay the They

As I mentioned in my previous post on toxic femininity, it is easy for everyone to believe the “nice” and “innocent” person, but not the person who is direct and what you see is what you get. I had a female manager who managed two people, me and another female who was masc presenting. She would tell the other colleague that the President made her enforce certain rules, so not to take it personally, because it wasn’t coming from her. She would even check in on her and tell her she had her back.

However, when it came to me, she would have these outrageous punishments and report me despite the work I put in. She never cared, would give me attitude, and deliberately say things like “Oh I don’t work on weekends. That’s my time,” then proceed to tell another toxic feminine male colleague, a sob story about an urgent situation and why she can’t work. She would run and tell her manager, the President, everything I said and completely distort my words, but would never bring up the ideas I wanted to implement. What a fucking loser. Imagine having to report to that.

Then once I left, I was having drinks with the President one day and he said “Can I give you some advice?” I originally told him “no” because I don’t take advice from anyone who isn’t doing something I admire. I rarely meet people I admire. I meet people I respect, but not admire.

So of course, he proceeded to give me the most demeaning advice, coming from him of all people, that I should lean into people's insecurities and make them feel good. Which as a natural salesperson I do great with customers and clients btw. Record breaking numbers. But why should I do it with toxic feminine leadership? Every time I let my guard down and was sincere, they did something deceptive. So I learned to put up a boundary.

Now it would be one thing if he were my mentor and had taught me something valuable about the industry or business and genuinely supported me. But no one was mentoring me or helping me. They were taking from me and refusing to give me an appropriate raise or bonus. When someone benefits from your work and network, literally wants to learn how you do it, and then proceeds to tell you to change yourself, it's disrespectful. I spent years being asked to accommodate people who never accommodated me. I don't mind being a powerful backbone but at least pay me my worth or give appropriate credit. I don't have to be the star of anyone's show, but my own.

Like life there are dark and light energies. Every person or trait has a shadow side. That’s life. However, one topic that I feel is not often discussed is that society associates energetic descriptions within humans as gender roles. I believe that’s why many people are confused about who they’re supposed to be because they’re allowing their physical to guide their truth.

I think we can all agree that toxic femininity appears even more in friend groups. I deliberately refrain from using gender because I’ve experienced toxic femininity from men as well, including those who identify as heterosexual. I am sure the majority of the men I had relations with were toxically feminine. These traits are inherently adapted as a survival tactic because these people developed in environments where they were taught that direct power is unsafe or unacceptable. So they use deceptive tactics like passive aggression, playing victim, weaponizing vulnerability, covert control, and last but not least internalized competition with other women.

From my experience, toxic femininity loves to exist in large groups and appear “nice.” They are skilled at being likeable because they were conditioned early on to charm their way through life.

However, I think at one point I embodied some of those traits because of how I grew up. At an early age my mother told me I used to speak like a military sergeant and I had to train myself to communicate in a way that was more digestible. However, as someone seasoned in life and in the professional world I value honesty and directness.

As a leader who is direct about my thoughts and expressions, I try to be as transparent as possible about my situations and circumstances because closed mouths don’t get fed. I faced challenges from both toxic masculinity and toxic femininity across both genders and everyone in between. But the biggest challenges were from toxic femininity, maybe because standing in my power and masculinity makes me a target as a woman? I noticed women who are in their power, whether society deems them as attractive, successful, or smart, maybe even all three, being a triple threat is the worst. You deal with challenges more than everyone else despite people assuming that you have a privilege or that everything was handed to you. It’s crazy to say that having three positive traits are viewed as a threat. The Irony.

It takes me a while to process a situation. When I was in my 20s my knee-jerk reaction would be to get mad, yell and curse somebody out. However, as 40 approaches I notice it takes me a while to understand what’s happening and why it happened. My reaction is to process the situation and analyze it every way possible to see what role I played before I point a finger. Sometimes I blame myself first. It now takes me a while to really feel the emotion because a week or two later I am processing what happened to have an honest assessment of myself. I do like to talk through it and at times I would confide in people about the situation but as always toxic femininity would distort my words and make it seem like I was bashing when I was simply seeking insight and perspective.

I am constantly looking for ways to improve and better myself and my interactions in relationships. However, there is a point where I have to accept myself because it’s becoming apparent that it’s not necessarily my actions but the fact that I am a woman who took a particular action that society would have accepted from a man.

I’ve had people tell me I make things look easy and then proceed to make my life a living hell. Please note that all of these issues I’ve experienced in both the professional and personal world. It’s worst in the professional world because while you’re focused on the task at hand the toxic employee or boss is focused on you and their lack. Sometimes they would sabotage your work and professional growth to prove a point and show you’re not perfect. Since you’re a vocal and straightforward person it’s easier for people to believe their narrative because they associate a woman’s leadership and power as toxic. When you speak your truth it falls on deaf ears and before you even open your mouth they’ve already formed their own conclusion about you.

When you surround yourself with “nice” and “pleasant” people you never get the truth. Like the story of The Emperor’s New Clothes. Two con men convinced the emperor that they made him the most magnificent suit of clothes that only the wise and competent could see. So no one dared admit they saw nothing. His advisors, his court, his entire kingdom played along out of fear of appearing foolish or disloyal. That is toxic femininity at its finest. The manipulation of the con men who sold the lie, the silence of the crowd who cosigned it. However, the audacity of the emperor who believed it because it fed his ego. Sound familiar? That’s toxic masculinity and we will save that for another post. It took a child, someone too young to understand the social consequences of honesty, to blurt out the truth. And even then the crowd tried to suppress it.

Yea, I am the child. The Third Eye View. The outside perspective that has no emotional attachment to the situation. You’re paying me to tell you the truth and provide a solution.

I’ve witnessed this in the workplace and in relationship dynamics a lot. A company or brand is not doing well but everyone is too afraid to address the dysfunction and allows the toxicity to grow. The CEO or Founder isn’t aware of the internal dynamics, or they notice it and allow it because these people stroke their ego and they’re “nice.” I’ve seen board members sit on boards and provide breadcrumbs or even mediocrity but they applaud it because they’re digestible and likeable. However, there’s a lack of follow through or action.

It’s because of these experiences that I don’t fall for the nice guy or the innocent friendly girl who’s dainty anymore. Like nature, I believe they were given the capabilities to have these mannerisms to protect themselves and survive in this world. However, when you don’t have another person who can be your backbone and tell it like it is, there’s a lack of Yang energy. And I am not referring to men.

I grew up Catholic. I went to a Catholic school from pre-k to 8th grade, went to a public high school, Murry Bergtraum High School for Business Careers, and for college I went to SUNY Plattsburgh and transferred right back to a Catholic university, St. John’s to be exact. I was baptized, had my holy communion and even my confirmation.

I would go to Catholic church every Sunday by choice with my grandmother on my dad’s side and we would grab pizza or get roasted chicken from the supermarket afterwards. In my 20s I would go to St. Patrick’s Cathedral in Manhattan on Tuesdays to be exact, and pray to the Black Madonna, or as some may call her, Our Lady of Czestochowa, anytime I felt I needed to pray for thanks or support. I would recite my Hail Marys or participate in rosary prayer with the senior citizens. I was always the youngest one. I will say I was somewhat religious. But did I follow all the rules? No way. Do I know the Bible inside and out? No.

In 2012 I began to explore different aspects of spirituality because I always had a natural curiosity about other faiths. It started with chakras, then astrology, then numerology and I could go on. To the point where I was somewhat teaching people that we are surrounded by symbols and once you know the meanings you cannot unsee them. I could no longer look at marketing, ads, or anything the same way again. It was like I could see it all from my Third Eye.

As a Haitian American, my curiosity into spirituality was bound to happen. I was led down this path, not forced. I began to look into the dark side of spirituality, the side that society never wants to acknowledge or deal with even though it is part of our daily lives. Everyone deals with shadow and light energy. Again, back to Yin and Yang. There is a little light in the dark and a little dark in the light. It is up to you to embrace it.

Because I have this perspective I don't use the terms good and bad when it comes to describing people. I do believe some people have deep psychological wounds or spiritually, a dark entity that influences their decisions. So some people can be inherently evil. It is up to you, however you choose to view that. If you want a deeper look at this concept, watch the TV series Evil. It follows an unlikely trio, a skeptical forensic psychologist, a Catholic priest in training, and a pragmatic tech contractor, hired by the Catholic Church to investigate supposed miracles, demonic possessions, and other paranormal events to determine if there is a scientific explanation or if something truly unholy is happening. I absolutely loved this show because it is a real look at how people perceive things differently. One sees through a spiritual lens and the other through an objective one, both trying to make sense of the same scenario. But the spiritual lens sees way more and goes far deeper than the objective one.

I believe we have all done things that were considered bad for the greater good. Take this for example. If you are being robbed and someone wants to kill you, you fight for your life and accidentally kill the intruder. On the flip side the intruder breaks in and successfully kills the homeowner. Either way someone got killed. Both took the same action. However the intent behind it is what makes it different. But technically they both killed somebody. Some people have to walk on the dark side for their own protection.

Everyone has their own astrological chart and every single person has their own path to walk. Of course we have the power to choose, however there are certain experiences and lessons that are not optional and are part of a bigger plan for your spiritual development. So when someone faces their greatest challenges or goes down a dark path of addiction, abuse, or even takes a life, that is their story. It is up to them to decide if they have learned, evolved, or if they will repeat a karmic cycle.

Just because your dark story isn't the same as someone else's does not mean one is more valid than the other. Am I justifying the actions of people who mistreat others? No.This is not about that. It is about the fact that every person has a greater story and must bring together all aspects of themselves (dark and light) and embrace it fully so they can be free, transmute their dark energy, transform it into light, and become a teacher for those who have walked similar paths. Once you get to the other side, you develop a sense of confidence that no one can take from you. You faced challenges that most people would never have the courage to face, or you woke up, recognized your patterns and transformed. You never know how people will turn out.

Seeds need to be planted in the soil, in the dark, so they can blossom into beautiful flowers and produce fruits and vegetables. A caterpillar must create a cocoon of darkness to become a butterfly. In order to grow into the light you must first move through the dark. When you are at your lowest or you feel there is a sense of lost hope, that is your signal to experience yourself in a different avenue or lane. Explore and shift even if it means making mistakes or doing something out of the ordinary. Some of the greatest projects, bodies of art and business ideas are born out of people's darkest times.

In 2016 I wanted to host a Halloween art event for my old brand La Petite Taste called Beauty Behind the Darkness.

I originally had a photographer lined up to collaborate with and found an artist through the Raw Artists platform to do the body paint. I met the model randomly on the train in NYC, asked if he modeled, took his information and invited him to collaborate on the photoshoot for my brand. At the time my brother worked for Ksubi so I grabbed a couple of pieces and we went up to my rooftop in Brooklyn. With my luck, the photographer cancelled. So I grabbed my cell phone and shot it myself. You're probably wondering if this project was created during one of my darkest times. Yes

I believe there is a beauty behind the darkness and it is not a coincidence that the shame and hatred of the dark side has manifested physically into the hatred of Black people.

From the history of slavery Black people have a history of transforming everything that was given to us as scraps, leftovers and restrictions. Centuries later slave food is now considered a culinary staple, chicken wings, oxtails, I could go on. In 1786 in New Orleans, Governor Miró decided that Black women needed to be visually marked as belonging to the slave class. So they passed a law forcing all women of African descent, both enslaved and free, to cover their natural hair in public with a headwrap called a tignon. You know what happened next? Black women took that mandatory covering and turned it into an art form. The tignon became so intricate, so colorful and so beautiful that it evolved into a global fashion statement and a powerful symbol of identity. Every time it is about transmuting the challenge into something beautiful.

The so called "dark side" of humanity, Black people, has a natural gift of taking mediocrity and turning it into excellence. I believe that is part of our story and our history. No matter how excellent or extraordinary we can be, we are constantly faced with people who refuse to acknowledge that being dark creates light. Every time those who claim to be the "light" push us into the dark, we transmute that energy and still produce greatness. And that extends beyond us. That is why some people's stories consist of walking on the dark side to stay in their light. It is a spiritual warfare after all. I believe if society embraced their own truth and acknowledged their own lack, we could all find a better balance in how we coexist and interact.

And it does not stop there. Once you view people and situations from a different perspective you begin to realize that all the “isms” and “phobias” are projections and a lack of internal energetic balance, not necessarily based on logic. A judgmental Christian man who shames sex and controls women is probably deep down a beautiful queer man. How often do we hear that story?

That is why when it comes to religion, I believe it is a good foundation to steer you toward what is right and wrong. However, religion can be so polarizing that it can steer you away from your truth, at times. I believe everyone has a right to explore and if it is meant to be, you can always return to Christ, Yahweh, Allah and Buddha. Whatever works for you. This is your story.

I have a strong appreciation for Taoism and the Yin and Yang energies that exist within ourselves and around us. Various situations and circumstances, despite gender, sometimes call for us to be Yin or Yang. That is the challenge many of us are facing. People associate gender with one particular energy instead of seeing that gender is just a being. The truth is, when we are not connected within ourselves, it becomes hard to move according to intuition and feeling rather than what is visible on the exterior.

What happened to the funny guys? It’s like you have to choose between fun and seriousness. Though there is a lot going on in this world, when it comes to dating I want to have fun and live life. Though I am naturally an upbeat person, the older I became the more life and people tried to take it down. I noticed dating was no longer fun but, I hate to say it, a job. Well for me at least. It’s like people have to put on a facade of seriousness and toughness. Though I can be a serious person when it comes to work and other issues, I don’t want to deal with the moodiness from a man. Save it for me. I am the one ruled by the moon (Cancer Rising). As masculine (Yang) as I can be at times, I want a safe space to be in my femininity (Yin). I think that’s the issue a lot of independent women deal with.

Every once in a while you meet a unique friend. A person who actually stimulates you emotionally and mentally. As a Gemini Moon (yes, I will throw astrology in), that really excites me. It’s rare to connect with a person who’s both mentally engaging and stimulating. Do I have a type? Hmm, not necessarily. I like different people for different reasons though I think I entertained a few who had the illusion of success. I will say the common core of who I am truly drawn to is their drive for authentic success, not the illusion of it.

As someone who had to work hard to overcome challenges and obstacles and like a cat still land on my feet, I value a person who understands my challenges and work ethic. There’s something admirable about a man who’s able to accomplish financial success. It’s not because of the superficiality, but if you’re a person who put in the work and was able to produce the fruits of your labor, it’s commendable and it’s what I am looking to achieve on my own as well. Not to be in competition but to be aligned. It’s an inspiration. When I see someone who’s authentically themselves and in their power, it’s admiration. But let me say it, I don’t meet many people whose accomplishments were done independently. They always had a strong support system. Unfortunately, my story doesn’t include a strong emotional and financial support system. Even now as an adult, I’ve encountered more relationships that constantly look to knock me down a peg. So it shows that despite their exterior success there is a sense of lack somewhere.

As a person who is viewed as successful and whose success was built on overcoming challenges, I am always open to providing insight and advice because I never got it myself. It doesn’t bring me joy to see someone down and out. I can’t say the same for some of the people I encountered in my life. Healthy masculinity (Yang energy) teaches and supports and it doesn’t matter the gender. You give from a place of power. “I provide” whether it’s financially or through providing knowledge. When supporting someone I don’t do it with the expectation of control or domination but with the intent of appreciation. As I experienced the opposite, I shut down my generosity because I learned people would try to use, take, or copy me and play a false version of me to the public while smearing my name. The same people who needed support throughout their time of need.

People expect that because I am a woman I need to automatically allow people to violate my boundaries and not speak my truth professionally and personally. Though I struggle with boundaries because I come from a place of love and not everyone deserves it. I learned to be detached at times because people look for ways to poke holes through your exterior or take away from me for their own sake of domination and their own insecurities. These experiences forced me to feel uncomfortable receiving and being in my femininity (Yin energy). "I receive." It's been one of the toughest challenges for me due to the toxicity I experienced from both men and women. I assume those same people gave and never received appreciation and shut down themselves as well. Or they allowed their insecurities to get the best of themselves. It’s a perpetual cycle that I believe needs to be acknowledged.

Logically it makes sense to me. Society deems it a dog eat dog world. I mean look at relationships. The biggest argument is the balance of giving and receiving. How much of ourselves do we give and it's never appropriately acknowledged or respected. Look at the work culture of America. Spiritually, I see why, because it is a spiritual warfare after all. Those who stand in their light, the darkness within people tries to dim it. But light cuts through darkness. When you are authentically yourself, despite people's deceptive ways, you will always persevere. I genuinely believe this because of the challenges I have overcome and sometimes I surprise myself with what I was able to solve.

As a kid I always had tomboy undertones but I had to take the lead in whatever I needed or wanted to get done. I learned early on that no one is going to save me, so I learned how to problem solve quickly. Plus I am the eldest daughter, if that makes any difference. Actually it does. I always knew what I wanted and how to get it. Despite doors closing I always made an effort to get in one way or another. I just knew that once someone met me, I had a fair chance. Naturally I had to take the lead and be in my masculine energy and as I’ve gotten older I’ve accepted this about myself as a woman. However, the question is does society accept it?

Up until I turned 19 I had several relationships and I learned early on that they never genuinely supported my drive. They constantly found ways to undermine my accomplishments while focusing not on their own accomplishments but on their popularity or flashy assets. At that age I was under the impression that a well dressed or flashy guy equated to success. It equated to ego, and there was always a lack of maturity the more successful they appeared to be. There was always an initial attraction but eventually it became clear once intimacy came into play that their facade and character were not who they really were.

I learned how to compartmentalize my expectations from these characters because the intensity was great and the connection was fun. However, they lacked the emotional maturity to have something authentic, or even, shall I say, real. But I knew they would be the type to spark fire and excitement in my life. I always knew the difference between a guy who is Mr. Right Now and one who is Mr. Right.

When it comes to dating I always had a different approach. Because I learned early on that people (though I only dated men but I am being fair since I think everyone experienced this despite gender), approached dating like a job interview. The person listens or reads what your requirements are and then they conform to that expectation. They put their best foot forward and once they’re in they get comfortable and half ass. I know you’ve seen that in the workplace.

However, if we move forward as friends first, take our time and discover each other and allow things to unfold, as humans eventually sex will come into play. I’ve had my fair share of FWBs (friends with benefits) and some are still friends to this day because I never pressured an outcome since I never wanted a committed outcome from them. I was fine with the relationship being what it was because my priority is not necessarily a perfect wedding marriage. I have other priorities and I am sure they have their own as well. However, every now and then you can’t help it when you get to know someone and the sexual attraction is there. You want to explore it but according to society’s standards a lady woman has to wait “x” amount of days/weeks/months before she acts on her natural desires.

Yea.. whatever.

So I did this thing. I wrote and executive produced an album and since it’s on SoundCloud, technically it’s a mixtape?

When I wrote the album I had no intentions of it becoming an album. I was inspired by the instrumentals and one thing led to another and now I have recorded over 20 tracks. The first song that triggered this event was Track 5, “One.” When I first heard the instrumental, the hook that was repetitive in my mind was “Riding down the 101 thinking you’re the one.” I kept hearing that phrase in my head.

So I originally wanted my guy friend who’s a singer/rapper to rap about love on the track. Is she the “one” that you will fall in love with? Something along those lines.

He told me, “You’re so fixated on that hook and you know what you want it to be. Why don’t you write the song yourself? And if need be I can hop on it.”

I was shocked because I am not a singer (though I performed in the choir from 2nd through 8th grade. I also performed in college and ended up being the Business Manager of the gospel choir. But that’s another story.) I never considered myself a songwriter. However, I also participated in a performing arts group in high school and wrote my own rap verse discussing September 11th. Well, with all those examples, maybe I always had it in me? Just never thought that was the direction I needed to go with my career.

Back to the concept. It was to write about whether he is the one I will fall in love with and be the one I care about. Because I will be honest, I don’t care about much nowadays.

However, that’s not what came out. It was actually the complete opposite. It went from love to an erotic fantasy and sex. At first I thought maybe it’s because it’s been a year plus since I’ve had an interest in sex. From that one song it opened the floodgates to a full album and a story that hits close to home when it comes to casual relationships and friends with benefits.

Little did I know, this song led to me writing a lot of other tracks (under the influence of course). That allowed me to speak an unspoken truth about the relationships and power dynamics I deal with personally and even professionally. I know you’re thinking, how can a song about sex lead into a deep conversation about power, control, and insecurity?

There’s your answer right there.

The question that stuck out to me was: when a woman wants sex and a balanced interaction, why does it have to be a game or a power struggle over something we both want? If I was a man and we had a casual relationship, would the story be the same? The album is not a love story. It is about the lack of energetic balance when it comes to giving, receiving, and intimacy.

Underneath all the physical, whether it’s money, sex, or an illusion, there’s more at play when you close your eyes and see the reality with your third eye. Writing this album allowed me to reflect on certain situations, scenarios, and conversations I’ve had with people.

I wrote the album unconsciously. I allowed whatever came to mind and just executed. It wasn’t until after I wrote over 10 songs that I realized it told a story, and I connected that story with voicemail interludes. An old school touch. The album is not about a particular person but about a particular experience. I wanted people to imagine the vision and feel the intensity of the attraction. It is specifically TV-MA (Mature Audiences).

I will provide a breakdown of the album in a collection of posts because it tells a story that I believe a lot of us can relate to, including the invisible challenges we deal with once intimacy is involved.