Borrowed Power
If you're going to stand on my shoulders, acknowledge whose shoulders you're standing on.
Ressentiment - is resentment that develops when someone feels powerless to achieve, confront, or become what they desire, so they cope by devaluing, criticizing, or morally condemning it instead.
This particular situation has been a thorn in my side. It annoys the fuck out of me. I hate this so much and I deal with it all the time, whether it’s through friends, family, lovers, or associates. It’s a constant theme in my life. I am noticing it’s becoming a bigger problem, especially with social media and the lack of originality and people’s lack of direction. It’s copycats and energy thieves.
We are now living in a world where unoriginality is praised and authenticity is shamed. The performative persona and taking without asking is not inherently masculine or feminine energy. It is actually a distortion of both. It is forced Yin. They are extracting from your Yang energy, your power, your creativity, your leadership, without an exchange. And because they cannot ask openly, ego will not allow it, they do it covertly, which ties directly back to toxic femininity. Passive, deceptive, operating in the shadows while presenting as “nice” or “fun” to the public.
In its healthy expression, Yang energy provides and gives from a place of power and abundance. So someone taking without asking is not operating from true Yang. They are operating from a wounded and distorted version of it, taking because they lack the courage or integrity to ask or earn.
In its healthy expression, Yin energy receives with gratitude and appreciation. So someone who takes without asking is also distorting Yin because they are forcing the receiving dynamic without the energetic exchange that makes it balanced. They want the benefits of Yin, receiving, without the vulnerability of asking, which requires humility. And they want to bypass the Yang requirement of earning or giving first. This is less about masculinity or femininity and more about someone who is energetically imbalanced, unwilling to be vulnerable enough to ask and unwilling to do the work to earn.
Throughout my life, I had to humble myself and ask for assistance, and I probably received help 35-40 % of the time without stipulations. I had to figure it out and handle it myself. People left me hanging the most when I needed support, despite knowing I was going through a rough patch. I learned to never be scared to ask for help because it allows me to see who is there for me and who is not. If someone offers to help and then takes it back or half asses it, it proves to me that they don’t want to help. Decades ago I didn’t mind helping everyone. However, when I decided to do my own thing, all the relationships, whether family or friends, fell off or decided to copy me or work against me, instead of with me. Weirdos.
“People reveal their character most clearly when you need something from them.”
At the time I wasn’t sure why people wouldn’t want to work with me and would instead work against me. I guess to prove a point to themselves. I had people act like they wanted to collaborate, learn the way I worked, and then leave me hanging, claiming to be busy. Even if I paid them for services, they still provided half ass quality work. Or they would offer to help and drag their feet. This happened with the Substack, which led me to build my own website and design this Substack myself. When you have a strong sense of discernment, it’s obvious when someone is lying or bullshittin’ you. But I learned to not offer and instead allow them to come to me when they’re ready.
Instead of saying “Can you teach me?” the person says “I don’t need you” and proceeds to copy you.
I had a frenemy who was once a best friend, but now carries my old personality as her current persona. She still has a bit of a high school mentality, doing things I did when I was in my early 20s. I guess she is making up for what she lacked back then. No personal development whatsoever, because she is right where I left her. I guess she didn't have me to copy and emulate anymore.
"Some people want the results of growth without the vulnerability required for growth."
People will go above and beyond for a person who feels entitled to their energy, and not for a person who genuinely supported them in their time of need. Because they don’t have the capacity to be vulnerable enough to ask for support. They want to be like you, but if you wanted to be like me, you would ask me for help the same way I would have asked anyone else.
It gets weird, because the people who need the help end up resenting you because they didn’t have the humility to ask for it. CLOSED MOUTHS DON’T GET FED. If you don’t have the courage to ask someone for assistance, how are you going to know who is there for you or not? That is the true test of any relationship. It’s easy for people to support you when you’re on top, but not when you’re at your lowest. They’re not your friends. They want to manipulate. No matter your gender, when you need to be in your Yin, that is the real test. When you need to receive, when you need someone to talk to and have your back.
“Did this person actually value me, or did they value access to me?”
Everyone wants to help you when they think you are winning, because they want to associate themselves with success. However, some people resent that you are successful and get proximity to you without really caring about you. They talk about you when you are down and out because they know they cannot compare when you are on top. They portray themselves as superior to others, but in actuality, the universe allowed you to go through this so you can have better clarity on who you need to surround yourself with. And when you bounce back, all those people either have to pay to be in your space or they are simply not your equal. Balance that energy.
“Success attracts people. Difficulty reveals people.”
For those who are leaders going through a moment of low, it is ok. It is part of the journey of any true leadership who are in their authenticity. Sometimes the universe removes all the flashy items and kiss ass people, so you can see clearly. Then it gives it all back once you climb out of the darkness BY YOURSELF, or with your REAL FRIENDS, so you know what is best for you and how to move.
Don’t you see a pattern of people who helped so many people, and then when someone gangs up on them, they all of a sudden come together to go against you? If anyone has to recruit or tag team with others to talk about you or exclude you, YOU WON.They're pussies, shall I say dicks. Pussy is tough, it gives life. Dick can't handle anything. lol
As I mentioned in my previous post on toxic femininity, it is easy for everyone to believe the “nice” and “innocent” person, but not the person who is direct and what you see is what you get. I had a female manager who managed two people, me and another female who was masc presenting. She would tell the other colleague that the President made her enforce certain rules, so not to take it personally, because it wasn’t coming from her. She would even check in on her and tell her she had her back.
However, when it came to me, she would have these outrageous punishments and report me despite the work I put in. She never cared, would give me attitude, and deliberately say things like “Oh I don’t work on weekends. That’s my time,” then proceed to tell another toxic feminine male colleague, a sob story about an urgent situation and why she can’t work. She would run and tell her manager, the President, everything I said and completely distort my words, but would never bring up the ideas I wanted to implement. What a fucking loser. Imagine having to report to that.
“Why should I have to dilute myself to make insecure people comfortable?”
Then once I left, I was having drinks with the President one day and he said “Can I give you some advice?” I originally told him “no” because I don’t take advice from anyone who isn’t doing something I admire. I rarely meet people I admire. I meet people I respect, but not admire.
So of course, he proceeded to give me the most demeaning advice, coming from him of all people, that I should lean into people's insecurities and make them feel good. Which as a natural salesperson I do great with customers and clients btw. Record breaking numbers. But why should I do it with toxic feminine leadership? Every time I let my guard down and was sincere, they did something deceptive. So I learned to put up a boundary.
“People benefiting from your competence while simultaneously asking you to become smaller, so they feel more comfortable??”
Now it would be one thing if he were my mentor and had taught me something valuable about the industry or business and genuinely supported me. But no one was mentoring me or helping me. They were taking from me and refusing to give me an appropriate raise or bonus. When someone benefits from your work and network, literally wants to learn how you do it, and then proceeds to tell you to change yourself, it's disrespectful. I spent years being asked to accommodate people who never accommodated me. I don't mind being a powerful backbone but at least pay me my worth or give appropriate credit. I don't have to be the star of anyone's show, but my own.