I Always Knew The Difference

Mr. Right, Mr. Right Now, and why I never confused the two

As a kid I always had tomboy undertones but I had to take the lead in whatever I needed or wanted to get done. I learned early on that no one is going to save me, so I learned how to problem solve quickly. Plus I am the eldest daughter, if that makes any difference. Actually it does. I always knew what I wanted and how to get it. Despite doors closing I always made an effort to get in one way or another. I just knew that once someone met me, I had a fair chance. Naturally I had to take the lead and be in my masculine energy and as I’ve gotten older I’ve accepted this about myself as a woman. However, the question is does society accept it?

Up until I turned 19 I had several relationships and I learned early on that they never genuinely supported my drive. They constantly found ways to undermine my accomplishments while focusing not on their own accomplishments but on their popularity or flashy assets. At that age I was under the impression that a well dressed or flashy guy equated to success. It equated to ego, and there was always a lack of maturity the more successful they appeared to be. There was always an initial attraction but eventually it became clear once intimacy came into play that their facade and character were not who they really were.

I learned how to compartmentalize my expectations from these characters because the intensity was great and the connection was fun. However, they lacked the emotional maturity to have something authentic, or even, shall I say, real. But I knew they would be the type to spark fire and excitement in my life. I always knew the difference between a guy who is Mr. Right Now and one who is Mr. Right.

"I knew exactly who was temporary and who had long-term potential. The mistake wasn't confusing them. The challenge was navigating a society that assumes every connection should become something more."

When it comes to dating I always had a different approach. Because I learned early on that people (though I only dated men but I am being fair since I think everyone experienced this despite gender), approached dating like a job interview. The person listens or reads what your requirements are and then they conform to that expectation. They put their best foot forward and once they’re in they get comfortable and half ass. I know you’ve seen that in the workplace.

However, if we move forward as friends first, take our time and discover each other and allow things to unfold, as humans eventually sex will come into play. I’ve had my fair share of FWBs (friends with benefits) and some are still friends to this day because I never pressured an outcome since I never wanted a committed outcome from them. I was fine with the relationship being what it was because my priority is not necessarily a perfect wedding marriage. I have other priorities and I am sure they have their own as well. However, every now and then you can’t help it when you get to know someone and the sexual attraction is there. You want to explore it but according to society’s standards a lady woman has to wait “x” amount of days/weeks/months before she acts on her natural desires.

Yea.. whatever.